She is not the main character in the love story, but she’s in close proximity, offering sage advice and witty comebacks.
You’re thinking of her when you say, “I have diverse relationships” but really mean, “I have this one black friend.” Many black women are used to occupying that space. And I got used to the protective shell that so many single black women living in white spaces learn how to wear when it comes to romantic relationships.
When you think of the smiling soccer mom who will homeschool your kids or bolster the women’s ministry at your local church, you think of the row after row of white options, not the little ethnic shelf in the corner that you have to be looking for to spot.
Somewhat connected to that point, there’s a reason people don’t think of melanin when they think of the soccer mom: one of the stereotypes that so many imbibe is the fact that single black women are inherently attitudinal and un-submissive.
I date outside my race, however in Chicago it is pretty hard to find first an open-minded guy with a decent education, career, own place ages 40-50 and lastly Caucasian.
I know I cannot be the only one who is attracted to white men.
The hurt of being good enough to be a friend but not good enough to be a wife still lingers.
This is a statistical fact, but I did not need to see the numbers to know that it was true.
I got used to the idea that I would forever be the side character in someone else’s romantic comedy — because my friends would pair off two-by-two according to their melanin count and I might be left out of the running for future wife, in part, because of the color of my skin.
And at the risk of being a downer, it’s not something I ever felt comfortable admitting. My kids were going to be marked by my melanin whether I married a Swede, a Puerto Rican, or a Pakistani.
The reactions to the prospect of “mixed” children were often fearful: Will they always feel displaced? Sometimes, though, they were met with fetish: mixed kids were seen as more valuable/adorable than just “plain” black kids.
I have been told that, if I were white, I would be a great catch.
I have been attracted to non-black men who were equally attracted to me but did not pull the trigger because of the color of my skin.